Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Some new developments
I’m feeling I can never be alone in San Jose – which is a good thing most of the times. After working all day I can actually go blow off steam hanging out with my friends, which is nice. It was such an occasion today in which I learned a few choice spots from Johnny. San Jose is becoming less and less of a mystery. I know the city’s big… not quite LA, but bigger than the valley… and growing.
So… I guess it falls on me to have adventures because supposedly I have hella free time, but in actuality I don’t. What with LSAT classes and now it turns out some “fun” college classes with my cousin… I might not have time between work, class, class, and skateboarding. Yes, that’s right, skateboarding. I did some of that today… getting my skateboarding legs in shape… maybe that would build momentum towards actually working out.
My mom’s still hurting… but she refused to go to the doctor’s again [it’s a wonder where I got that stubbornness from]. I got her to make an appointment for tomorrow, and I’m pretty much going to drive her there to make sure she gets treatment. I swear she needs to chill… it’s not like the work is going anywhere. Still, I tried my best to do as much as I can today. I figured if it’s done, than there’s nothing to worry about [though I’m sure she’ll find something].
My stepfather is considering an addition to the family… [Thinking positive, but as if there isn’t enough pressure…]. Who knows? This might push me even harder. Fuel for the flame… a fierce fire burning for a favorable future [See positive]. *note; I need to practice my other literary techniques, although alliteration is always awesome!P*
Congratulations are in order.
My cousin and my cousin-in-law had a child yesterday. Well, actually, my cousin’s wife had the child, and I’m sure my cousin did a great job watching/”supporting”. I just got the news today. The baby, a girl I believe [I need to confirm that], was born 6 weeks early weighing in at about 5 lbs. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, if she takes after her mom or her dad.
On the baby front, I met my aunt's baby girl today as well. It was my first time seeing the little thing. Very pretty, you can tell already. She has big eyes and light skin. She's half and half... which brings me full circle back to Johnny.
The Little Half-&-Half Part of Life.
So Johnny’s dealing with a proposal that I think is ridiculous. It sets up for a whole lot of hurt… but it’s his decision. I got to back my homie up on this one. This sucks because it falls on me to have fascinating stories… and for those who have been following my ongoing narrative… I’m pretty dull. Still, I’m not one to disappoint. Life is like coffee because its dark and bitter, but with a little half and half… it can be quite sweet. *see new technique, a simile [not one to disappoint], so smile.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Worried.
An early start goes awry. The early morning dispute led to a rather stressful Monday. I, of course, was a bystander. Mind you, not an innocent bystander, but I was the type of bystander who could have done something. Had I said something to defuse the situation spoke up sooner, made a joke… something? There are no innocent bystanders when an accident could have been prevented. This wasn’t an unexpected train accident. This was years of neglect letting the rails and tracks wear and tear. This was a train wreck tragedy. That was my morning.
Noon and afternoon was about taking care of my mom. Someone has to; she’s been doing everything else but that [including taking care of everyone else & me]. I took her mind away from the morning. It was too early in the week to start feeling aches and pains, but she was feeling them. I actually took her to the chiropractor– very impromptu, but much needed. She woke up with a sore shoulder. An acute pain that spread to her arm. Her left arm… so that’s not good… [I’m not a med student, but I know when it could be serious]. The morning dispute didn’t help, but the message did reduce her stress level. We pretty much took the rest of the day off – work in the office was just busy work with little exchanges after we got back from our 4 hr lunch [perks when your boss is Mommy].
I’m really concerned for her health. I knew she was overworked, overwhelmed, and overly stressed… just…
You know how your Mom teaches you the soothing diffusing techniques the best when you were little, like when you fell and scrapped your knew pretty bad, and you’re yelling, hollering, and screaming? She shooshes you softly saying reassuringly that it’s okay she’s here, it doesn’t look so bad, everything is and will be all right. That’s the power of Mommies, and that’s why no matter how old you get, you’re always her baby.
Well, it’s that way when you’re away in college too – she plays down the drama at home. There’s no need to worry about that, because to her you taking care of yourself is all she needs of you. One less person she needs to shoosh… and tend to.
That’s why I need to take care of my shits. That’s why I need to get my life in order.
Very worried.
There’s only one person I know whose bled sweat and tears for me all my life.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Two Haikus For You
I remember you
The blue sweater you wore
Recalled too late though
Jimmy Jumping Bean
Jumped so far could not be seen
So long, Jimmy Bean
The first one’s called Devon’s Girl. The second one is called Where did Jimmy go?
A million thoughts just sitting there
Today I supported my Mom by attending her performance. It wasn’t just hers exactly. She’s been taking lessons, and it was her entire class that performed. She plays this Vietnamese/Chinese string instrument that you lay on your lap.
It was nice seeing what it was like on the cheering end. Usually, the parent cheers on the kids, but it was a role reversal. I was the one with the camcorder, going, “Go Mom!”
It was a banquet setup, so I sat at this table with a bunch of older people. So obviously my mind wondered when the performance transition to this Vietnamese folk opera. It was about four hours of this distinct music… the thing I do for my Mom.
When my mind wondered off, I thought of many things. I thought about my cousin Jimmy. He lives in Portland, Oregon, and it’s been almost ten years since I’ve seen him. I thought about our adventures. I thought of the time when a bus trip from Century 16 to Marina Foods led to the time we witnessed a gang battle over territory off of Seven Trees.
What are you up to?
I thought about my new old friend. I wonder what adventures you’ve had. So obviously I had time to come up with two clever haikus.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Unusually long blog I apologize [feel free to skip the rules].
My Cousin’s Wedding
That was the highlight for today. It was the only thing I had planned, and well I was looking forward to it. I haven’t seen her [my cousin] in a very long time, and now she’s married… time flew by. San Jose moved on, expectedly, but I guess I had a vision of San Jose remaining the way I left it… I guess the imprint of the yester San Jose will always be there in my memory.
I could swear it was just yesterday when I left. Had to pack my bags and go…
Weddings are unusual – everyone’s gathered there to have fun and celebrate, but I think some people are to concentrated on their own bliss forgetting that this is the bride’s and groom’s day. At the same time, I understand that weddings should cater to the large party, but people should not expect the perfect entrées or the perfect entertainment or even perfect relative-in-laws [☺]. That’s the catch isn’t it, to be happy for these two people despite it all. Something to think about next time you find yourself at a wedding.
Oh, and don’t forget the rules of wedding crashing.
The Rules
Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own
Rule #2 - Never use your real name.
Rule #3 - Never confess.
Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26 - Of course you love her.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41 - If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals. You'll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45 - Always remember your fake name!
Rule #46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancee.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule #52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 - Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54 - Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
Rule #55 - If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #56 - Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rule #57 - When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact - merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
Rule #58 - The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule #59 - If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule #60 - No "chicken dancing" - no exceptions.
Rule #61 - When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule #62 - No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy.
Rule #63 - Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule #64 - Always save room for cake.
Rule #65 - When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
Rule #66 - Smile! You're having the time of your life.
Rule #67 - Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past.
Rule #68 - Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
Rule #69 - No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better.
Rule #70 - Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
Rule #71 - Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
Rule #72 - Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints - small cost, big yield.
Rule #73 - No excuses. Party like a champion.
Rule #74 - In case of emergency, refer to the rulebook.
Rule #75 - Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
Rule #76 - Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a minimum.
Rule #77 - Carry extra protection.
Rule #78 - The unmarried female rabbi - is she fair game? Of course she is.
Rule #79 - The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
Rule #80 - Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
Rule #81 - Occasionally bring a gift - you're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
Rule #82 - Always think ahead but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
Rule #83 - Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
Rule #84 - Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #85 - Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not cool, not effective.
Rule #86 - Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #87 - Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
Rule #88 - You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #89 - Know something about the place you say you are from. Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems to work.
Rule #90 - Of course you dream of one day having children.
Rule #91 - Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how...
Rule #92 - Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
Rule #93 - Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
Rule #94 - Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule #95 - Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
Rule #96 - Etiquette isn't old-fashioned. It's sexy.
Rule #97 - Catholic weddings - the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony - horny girls.
Rule #98 - The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
Rule #99 - Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
Rule #100 - Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
Rule #101 - Avoid women who were psychology majors in college.
Rule #102 - No periwinkle colored ties, please.
Rule #103 - The older the better, the younger the better (see Rule #21)
Rule #104 - Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule #105 - Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest - okay.
Rule #106 - Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
Rule #107 - Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
Rule #108 - Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
Rule #109 - Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
Rule #110 - Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
Rule #111 - Never, ever reveal your true identity.
Rule #112 - Never walk away from a Crasher in a funny jacket.
Rule #2 - Never use your real name.
Rule #3 - Never confess.
Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26 - Of course you love her.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41 - If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals. You'll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45 - Always remember your fake name!
Rule #46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancee.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule #52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 - Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54 - Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
Rule #55 - If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #56 - Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rule #57 - When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact - merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
Rule #58 - The Ferrari's in the shop.
Rule #59 - If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule #60 - No "chicken dancing" - no exceptions.
Rule #61 - When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule #62 - No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy.
Rule #63 - Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule #64 - Always save room for cake.
Rule #65 - When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
Rule #66 - Smile! You're having the time of your life.
Rule #67 - Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past.
Rule #68 - Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
Rule #69 - No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better.
Rule #70 - Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
Rule #71 - Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
Rule #72 - Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints - small cost, big yield.
Rule #73 - No excuses. Party like a champion.
Rule #74 - In case of emergency, refer to the rulebook.
Rule #75 - Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
Rule #76 - Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a minimum.
Rule #77 - Carry extra protection.
Rule #78 - The unmarried female rabbi - is she fair game? Of course she is.
Rule #79 - The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
Rule #80 - Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
Rule #81 - Occasionally bring a gift - you're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
Rule #82 - Always think ahead but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
Rule #83 - Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
Rule #84 - Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #85 - Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not cool, not effective.
Rule #86 - Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #87 - Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
Rule #88 - You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #89 - Know something about the place you say you are from. Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems to work.
Rule #90 - Of course you dream of one day having children.
Rule #91 - Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how...
Rule #92 - Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
Rule #93 - Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
Rule #94 - Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule #95 - Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
Rule #96 - Etiquette isn't old-fashioned. It's sexy.
Rule #97 - Catholic weddings - the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony - horny girls.
Rule #98 - The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
Rule #99 - Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
Rule #100 - Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
Rule #101 - Avoid women who were psychology majors in college.
Rule #102 - No periwinkle colored ties, please.
Rule #103 - The older the better, the younger the better (see Rule #21)
Rule #104 - Be well groomed and well-mannered.
Rule #105 - Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest - okay.
Rule #106 - Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
Rule #107 - Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
Rule #108 - Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
Rule #109 - Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
Rule #110 - Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
Rule #111 - Never, ever reveal your true identity.
Rule #112 - Never walk away from a Crasher in a funny jacket.
An Old Friend
I ran into an old friend at the wedding proving two of my theories [I've been in college all these years, so most I have are theories].
Theory #1 [which I have mentioned before in a previous blog]: friendship is forever, unexpected, amazing, and always appreciated [a-little alliteration].
Theory #2: in San Jose, the regular rules regarding six degrees of social separation are diminished to three degrees. Proving the point is my old friend who I assumed I have lost contact with since junior high [due to my fault most likely]. It turns out, she and my cousin are good friends and happen to teach Sunday Vietnamese school together – small world, that after ten years I run into her again.
Theory #2: in San Jose, the regular rules regarding six degrees of social separation are diminished to three degrees. Proving the point is my old friend who I assumed I have lost contact with since junior high [due to my fault most likely]. It turns out, she and my cousin are good friends and happen to teach Sunday Vietnamese school together – small world, that after ten years I run into her again.
I didn’t recognize or remember her at first, but I finally did when I got back to my table. So, hopefully this time I will keep in contact [I fell out of touch with all my middle school friends – which has always saddened me].
Here’s to refreshing old friendships, keeping in touch with all friends [which means blogging, myspace, and an occasional phone call which may or may not be sober], and here’s to my cousin and her new husband!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Effects…
So I came down with something – and I have several ongoing theories as to why I came down with something.
1. I went out Thursday night wearing with only a thin sweater. It was cold, and I caught something.
2. The seasons have turn in San Jose, and I did not adjust to the weather change. San Jose weather is colder than I’m use to making me susceptible to catch something.
3. Someone gone done put a hex on me. Or has been thinking negative thoughts regarding yours truly.
4. My body is rejecting what it knows is bad for me – mainly San Jose. [An LA friend offered this theory – obviously].
5. My body is rejecting what it knows is bad for me – mainly alcohol.
6. I didn’t eat much Friday, over exhausted myself, and because of that, I fell ill.
7. Lack of sleep. I actually woke up around 8AM on Friday – after having went to D&B the night before. Instead of going back to sleep to wake up at my customary 11AM, I decided to stay awake watching Perfume on DVD.
8. The provocative movie so early in the day set up a chain of events that ultimately became the catalyst of my own demise.
9. I miss my OC and LA friends so much… this getting sick thing always tends to happen when I need my friends support the most.
a. This maybe because I’m sick and I tend to feel that way. So it’s hard to say which came first. Getting sick and needing friends, or needing friends and then getting sick.
10. This is an alien flu and the Man is covering it up [The Truth is Out There].
Friday, September 21, 2007
Through the wire
I ran into an old mentor today at he DMV. It was the DMV at all places. He was genuinely interested in the latest happenings of my life – schoolwise. Of course, I dropped the g-bomb, graduation, and UCLA [I couldn’t help it]. I wanted to kill two birds while I was at the DMV, but because I figured one could wait – I opted to take care of my personal business at a later date.
Here’s Johnny!
Before all this, I had lunch with Johnny. Now before I throw his business out there – I’m just saying the guy could use a confidence boost. It’s not self pity or loathing [at least not yet] but he’s starting to doubt himself. The Johnny I knew would never be at this stage, but after throwing yourself outthere so many times without a good experience – it takes its toll. Still, I have hopes for Johnny – he’ll be alright, and now that I’m home – I’ll make sure of it. Just got to remind him that it was Johnny that I looked up to and still do.
Laughter kills the hurt
I got a skateboard today. I plan to hurt myself, but after the wedding on Sat. I got to look half decent for that thing. My confidence can use a boost… here goes to living life, love, and laugher.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Still adjusting at best.
For the most part of the day, I didn’t leave the house. It was forecasted rain, but the rain was held at bay. Still, the chilly winds were about. I talk about the weather because this is somewhat ordinary of San Jose weather [I think or so I remember]. I’ve also noticed that it’s getting cold here at night. This weather, the coming of autumn, and this old Victorian house makes a bad mixture [at least for an adjusting SoCal student].
Uncanny Friendship
After so many years away, I come back, and we can kick it off again. I’m referring to my high school friends whom I haven’t seen in ages. We met up for an after dinner drink [yes, on a Wednesday]. I only had one, just to loosen up a bit from being stiff and tired from working all day. [I note this, because I’m controlling my alcohol intake – partly for health reasons, and partly so I don’t mess myself up anymore. After all, I am my own worst enemy]. That I’m interested in what goes on in their lives and I’m genuinely concerned about their troubles proves that friendship is like fine wine; it only gets better. This sentiment is hopeful when thinking of my SoCal friends [and I do think of you all often].
One of my adolescent aspirations was to build life long friendships that covered the expanse of the globe. My wish was to have a couch to crash on in the major cities of the world if ever there was a need or a travel opportunity. It’s good to know I have said couches in LA and the OC. I miss you all…
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Levitating Thoughts
Financial difficulties seem to be the theme at the moment. I have no work and income to speak of, but I remain hopeful. Hopeful because I know that everyday there are opportunities to make it better.
Today, I met up briefly with Johnny for lunch. Johnny’s one of my oldest friends, and his life is not exactly what he wanted it to be at the moment. I can relate – we all can. Truth is we’re all searching, and looking ahead. People in general are very occupied by their futures – which is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as it’s not hindering right?
I also met up with my cousin. Without putting too much of his business out there, he too is facing financial difficulties. He’s also in a rut, but [this might be tooting my own horn here] I think my homecoming has lightened his mood. He’s not too weighed down by his burdens – that’s what hopeful does. It lifts you up… I think if I master that feeling I will be able to levitate myself [no, not literally in the physical sense, at least not in public]. Sometimes just being there makes a difference.
Another biggie… LSATs. I signed up for a prep class today. I’m nervous that the Kaplan instructor’s teaching styles conflict with my learning needs. Still, I’m thinking the glass is half full. It seems that my schedule is meant to revolve around normal work hours… that lends it self to solving previously mentioned difficulties.
And lastly, I’m hopeful that whatever tomorrow throws at me, I’ll land on my feet. I have great survival skills [owing much thanks to my genetic makeup, i.e. my parents, and the rest to what I learned from all the personal struggles I have witnessed my loved ones going through in my lifetime]. To today, I see similar struggles that we all deal with, but it says something that we’re all still here. We’re doing something right… fighting the good fight right? It’s good to know that we’re all here for each other no matter what right? At the end of the day, that’s a hopeful thought.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I hate Good Byes... I'll see you later.
Departing in style.
Special Thank You and Shout Out to my OC Buddies.
It was hard leaving, and you tried your best. It was more than I could ask for – a V.I.P booth, beautiful people, and a ride. Good times, I’ll never forget it.
My first Manic Monday back.
Not much happened today. I’m pretty winded from my trek up to San Jose – who knew adjusting to “normal” hours would take such a toll. It sucked leaving LA, the OC, and all my friends [the friendships, the kindness of the people I’ve met and connected with is what I miss the most]. I don’t expect I’ll get over it, but maybe it’ll hurt less. Or if I’m lucky, it never will [yes, I like to reference past blogs].
There’s so much to do, plus adjusting, that I don’t have time to feel sad about my situation. It’s like I knew this day was coming, but no amount of preparation can prepare you for the real thing. Life is that way; you just can't prepare entirely for it.
So I’ve looked at Kaplan’s Test Prep Classes Online [about time right?] and I figured the best thing for me to do is to go check out the test center tomorrow [that’s today if you check the blog post time]. This intensive LSAT cramming requires the right touch – so hopefully, the center has teachers who can motivate and encourage me.
On a lighter note, I figured that technology can work if I make it work for me. Hence Blogging, IMs, emails, facebook, myspace, and google talk. These will be my technological extensions – so I’m not completely dead [as many of my SoCal friends believe I will be or already am]. I believe that the ghost in the machine will allow me to keep in touch with my loved ones. It's not the same, but atleast we won't be in the dark next time we meet.
This segues to Steven Loucel – yet again. The man impresses me, and if you have the pleasure of meeting the man, you’d understand. His Peru pictures on facebook is enviable, but at least I can see what he’s up to – haven’t seen the guy in awhile, but I know he’s having fun and livin’ the life. Grrr.... so jealous.
With that, I have a newfound appreciation for my bloggers out there. It’s hard keeping a daily narrative of important happenings – because let’s face it – my life is not that interesting. But there in lies the key, you make me interesting. The fact that your interested enough to read my rants, raves, and ramblings is flattering. So I thank you for making me interesting. You bring meaning to my life.
Friday, September 14, 2007
A Lot Like...
If you Love someone, would you fight for him/her? Or would you let that person go?
I remember in high school when I asked my buddy, Mar [his name means sea], this question. There was no right or wrong answer; I just wanted to know what he thought. He told me then that you have to fight for the person that you love, you fight until you can’t fight anymore. Even then, I kind of knew…
I have abandonment issues. If you know the narrative, I thank you for being there [I don’t normally disclose much of the back story or early chapters of my life.] Along with abandonment issues, I have developed many defense mechanisms. That’s just who I am – no apologies. For the most part, my friends look past this. Not all our interactions require soul delving emotional safeguarding, but sometimes it comes up, and we let it go. It’s just easier not to talk about it.
This happens especially when it comes to Love, something I notice I rarely talk about [and I also notice no one really seems brave enough to address – save but a few, i.e. Crystal who I’m respecting more and more.] When it gets deep that’s when the plasma force field goes up. That’s when jets lift off the tarmac, and I go to Def Con 5. It’s a wonder I claimed to be emotionally retarded until... Well no, I still am, but now, it my be growing cynicism, but it seems like everyone, including myself, is emotionally retarded [Sorry, I know retarded is not a PC word, but it is what it is… to quote Hank, “It’s all good.”] Okay not everyone, I exaggerate, but still, plenty of people out there have never truly moved on. I speculate that this is because moving on is a myth. That someday all our emotional scares and baggage some how mysteriously disappear. I feel no one ever talks about the hurt that comes with Love.
It may be because I’m so guarded. I mean, I can’t expect people to start talking about Love, their experience, there thoughts and ideas, their hopes and dreams without first offering some of my own imposing stories. That’s just it – breaking barriers and connecting spirits. It’s a paradox: the harder you try the easier it seems, but the easier it seems, the harder it actually is. I don’t see people moving on, because they can’t get past themselves. We become our own guardian protecting ourselves from future hurt, but also stunting our emotional growth. We stop loving others and start loving only ourselves.
About guardedness and self-defense, it becomes apparent that [and this taps into what my friend Harmoni was saying] when it comes to fight or flight, we mostly chose the latter. It is rare to see a true fighter. I have become increasingly skeptic. Maybe I just don’t see it for myself? [B/n self doubt and self-loathing there’s not much room to Love]. It’s like what Bob Dylan said along the lines of it not mattering if everyone digs you, if you don’t dig yourself. You have to learn to love again, and it takes time. You have to be able to risk getting hurt.
Hurt is an interesting topic and goes hand in hand with Love. Someone [I don’t know who] once said that to truly know Love is to truly know hurt. Don’t ask, just think about it. I just saw the latest episode of Californication, a new risqué Showtime series, and Hank [who I quoted earlier] was talking to his daughter who had just had her heart crushed for the first time. She asked him if the hurt ever goes away, and admitting what he was about to say might be bad parenting, Hank replies that if she was lucky, it never will.
That’s how you know Love is worth it.
It's just about listening to my own advice now. I'm not quite ready.
I remember in high school when I asked my buddy, Mar [his name means sea], this question. There was no right or wrong answer; I just wanted to know what he thought. He told me then that you have to fight for the person that you love, you fight until you can’t fight anymore. Even then, I kind of knew…
I have abandonment issues. If you know the narrative, I thank you for being there [I don’t normally disclose much of the back story or early chapters of my life.] Along with abandonment issues, I have developed many defense mechanisms. That’s just who I am – no apologies. For the most part, my friends look past this. Not all our interactions require soul delving emotional safeguarding, but sometimes it comes up, and we let it go. It’s just easier not to talk about it.
This happens especially when it comes to Love, something I notice I rarely talk about [and I also notice no one really seems brave enough to address – save but a few, i.e. Crystal who I’m respecting more and more.] When it gets deep that’s when the plasma force field goes up. That’s when jets lift off the tarmac, and I go to Def Con 5. It’s a wonder I claimed to be emotionally retarded until... Well no, I still am, but now, it my be growing cynicism, but it seems like everyone, including myself, is emotionally retarded [Sorry, I know retarded is not a PC word, but it is what it is… to quote Hank, “It’s all good.”] Okay not everyone, I exaggerate, but still, plenty of people out there have never truly moved on. I speculate that this is because moving on is a myth. That someday all our emotional scares and baggage some how mysteriously disappear. I feel no one ever talks about the hurt that comes with Love.
It may be because I’m so guarded. I mean, I can’t expect people to start talking about Love, their experience, there thoughts and ideas, their hopes and dreams without first offering some of my own imposing stories. That’s just it – breaking barriers and connecting spirits. It’s a paradox: the harder you try the easier it seems, but the easier it seems, the harder it actually is. I don’t see people moving on, because they can’t get past themselves. We become our own guardian protecting ourselves from future hurt, but also stunting our emotional growth. We stop loving others and start loving only ourselves.
About guardedness and self-defense, it becomes apparent that [and this taps into what my friend Harmoni was saying] when it comes to fight or flight, we mostly chose the latter. It is rare to see a true fighter. I have become increasingly skeptic. Maybe I just don’t see it for myself? [B/n self doubt and self-loathing there’s not much room to Love]. It’s like what Bob Dylan said along the lines of it not mattering if everyone digs you, if you don’t dig yourself. You have to learn to love again, and it takes time. You have to be able to risk getting hurt.
Hurt is an interesting topic and goes hand in hand with Love. Someone [I don’t know who] once said that to truly know Love is to truly know hurt. Don’t ask, just think about it. I just saw the latest episode of Californication, a new risqué Showtime series, and Hank [who I quoted earlier] was talking to his daughter who had just had her heart crushed for the first time. She asked him if the hurt ever goes away, and admitting what he was about to say might be bad parenting, Hank replies that if she was lucky, it never will.
That’s how you know Love is worth it.
It's just about listening to my own advice now. I'm not quite ready.
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