I haven’t done this in some time.

I had quite a bit to drink this evening. It being St. Patrick’s Day, I had to celebrate because it had always been one of my favorite holidays growing up. In middle school, that’s pre-secondary school, it was the day we looked forward to pinching or being pinched by certain classmates. Usually, for my part, I remembered the green, but there were a few years I had to endure the “pinch” because I had forgotten to wear green that day. Tonight, I remembered how I loved this holiday, and how in my adolescence I crossed the threshold of personal space and expressed how I truly felt about a certain some one. There were different types of pinch, and yes they all hurt, but some more than others. One that particularly hurt was from H.S. Tonight, I looked at every face in the bar, and was hoping to see her. There was no particular reason or plan, and it was really a fool’s hope. I just felt that tinge of reverie, and when you dream of a moment for so long, you start seeing it everywhere. I should have pinched her harder when I had the chance. I still remember her pinch, but could she remember mine? Every St. Patty’s Day it’s all the same. I think of H.S and wonder, is tonight the night I run into her again? Because this time, she would be in for a hurt of a lifetime, and she won’t surely forget me. It’s only fair, she completely owns this holiday for me.

Ice coffee, sangria, and then...

I was tripping off of both ice coffee and sangria last night. Here's what I came up with:


I woke up with a fearful spasm thinking the worst had come. She had past before I could tell her what purpose she played. It rendered my existence obsolete and void. I clung to her rock, and kissed the cold. This will be my marker that I come home to from now on. I am at once both free and vacant.

I long and live as a wraith among men, drifting through life compensating vitality with longevity. In my wretched old age, I find myself back upon that rock, and there you were. Briefly like a ghost, you dance in the light. I run towards the horizon to my midnight hour, and dying I whisper my spell. I dance in the wind for all to hear. I now join the voices of all the forlorn. I live on in eternity on the hind winds of an afterthought, wishing if only.


Yeah, I woke Monday with the thoughts again, and I tried all day to find a way to explain it. Of course, what I ended up doing was repressing it even more. So here, for all the world to see.

Testament of an Endless Friendship

Dear Mac,

You hold a special place in my heart. During a time when life was a mystery, when the relationships all around me seemed broken, you proved that the little things could impact one’s life forever. High school was a trying time, and for fear of getting hurt again, I never opened up more than I had to. In all honesty, I didn’t know what I was doing half the time. In the middle of the quad, in front of most of the school, you shared your homemade macaroni and cheese with me. We literally sat there and had a picnic.


I’ll never forget that moment, and I’ll never forget you.

When I saw you the other day, you were just as beautiful as I remembered; you will always be beautiful because you will always age gracefully in my eyes. I had all my barriers up in high school, but you found a way into my heart despite of them. You have been in my heart since.

High school and college passed us by, and I check your online profile from time to time. I wanted us to be friends like during Ms. Lara’s social science class. I wanted to let you know, that you forever changed macaroni and cheese for me.

I have changed, reverted, matured, and held fast to my ever-expanding circle of experiences. At its center is a frightened boy who was too scared to say how he felt. He writes it here now hoping for the best.

Because when I saw you the other day, though I have dreamt of that moment many times before, I was still caught off guard. Your presence knocked me speechless, and I could not believe what was happening was real. The thousands of rehearsed conversations in my dreams vanished. All I had to say was that you look amazing, and we need to catch up sometime. All I wanted was our friendship back and for us to be closer, but I could not get pass the formality of meeting an old friend. Somehow, I wanted to relieve you from your burdens, however briefly, and impact you the way that you have impacted me.

I hope you could see the genuine, bewildered, and sincere look in my eyes. If that moment could last longer, I might have been able to say something more lasting.

Something like: you remain one of the highlights of my life, and we will always be friends despite any and everything.

Your friend forever,
Cheese.