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It starts off emo...

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I had many friends before.

I’m staring up at the ceiling. The morning dawn struggles to light the darkness, but there are only shadows still.

I had many friends. My contact list was long, but how many of these people do I actually call? It’s six in the morning, who can I call at six in the morning? I remember when there were times when I could call friends at three in the morning.

Things have fundamentally changed in 2007. I now face that darkness again, the same darkness I ran away from so long ago. What’s different? I’m staring up at the ceiling.

Have I lost my friends?

I’m a completely different person, that’s how I reason the detachment feeling. I embarked on a journey solely. I was deep in a relationship, and I was immersed in this other world. Having lived that stretch of the journey, having loved so deeply, nothing is the same.

How can I expect anyone to know that feeling? There was after all only two people in the relationship. But that’s so silly, because I’m sure there existed one or two relationships long before mine right? I can’t be the only one whose ever felt this way.

I’m not the first, and I’m not the last. Still, it feels so desolate. I had many friends before.


I use to live for my friends. They were my purpose. Sadly, that gave way to my relationship. I mean before, friendship was it. I had many friends, and we went everywhere and did everything. I remember all the Vegas trips – there were many. I mean Hella. They were all memorable, and that was the trust. I remember San Diego & Mexico, crazy times, yeah times. That was living the life without worry. I remember the Mojave thunderstorms. I remember riding the butt-crack of Houston’s dawn only to barely make it back to SLO alive. I remember CalPoly, Irvine, and Davis – the lesser UCs you know. I’ll never forget any of those trips. New York went from a little boy’s dream of dreams, from Saturday morning cartoons and cereal, to living breathing New York. The Sepulveda/Sunset drives with Weezer and the Chili Peppers were our mini trips. My friends, you’ve seen me at my darkest, my most down, and out. You’ve seen me falter, fall, pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue. You are my lingering thoughts. You were and are the friends I chose. Be it to Walmart at twelve mid-night or be it to the Thirsty Scholars, You all are my trip.

Add to the list, just in time before we start a new year, San Francisco. Special thanks for that T-Man and Cathy. If anything, the bringing in the New Year with yous reminded me of what it was all for. I had a glimpse of my life before I changed. I don’t expect to ever be that same person, and that’s not to say that’s bad or good. Just know, despite it all – Life is a trip, and of course friendship is worth a parking ticket.

I have many friends still.

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...it ends with Happy New Year!

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